Stage 2: Observing – Proactive Responsibility & Curiosity

Observing: Seeing Clearly to Understand the Present Situation

Once you’ve laid the groundwork in the preparation phase, the next step in the Process of Change is learning how to truly observe the present moment with clarity and focus. Observing might sound simple, but in reality, it requires a depth of mental strength and concentration that most people rarely tap into.

The Observing phase is about more than just noticing what’s happening around you. It’s about seeing your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours with complete clarity—free from the distortions of fear, shame, guilt, or any other negative emotional states. This isn't just about avoiding or suppressing negative feelings; it’s about developing the mental strength to face them head-on, without judgment.

Why Observing Is Essential for Change: In many ways, change begins with observation. Before you can shift your mindset or behaviours, you need to understand them.

But here’s the catch: most of us aren’t very good at observing ourselves objectively.

We often get swept up in emotions, assumptions, and automatic reactions. We might see a situation through the lens of our past experiences or through the fog of stress and anxiety. This makes it hard to clearly assess what’s going on.

In the Observing phase, you learn to step back from the noise of your mind and see things as they truly are. It’s a skill that can be developed with practice, and once mastered, it opens the door to deeper understanding and lasting change.

Mental Strength: More Than Just a Lack of Negative Emotions

Mental strength is often misunderstood. People tend to think that having mental strength means never experiencing negative emotions like fear, anger, or sadness. But that’s not what it is at all.

True mental strength is the ability to observe those emotions without being swept away by them. It’s the capacity to remain grounded and focused even when faced with challenging or distressing thoughts. It’s not about eliminating negative emotions; it’s about being able to sit with them, observe them, and understand what they’re telling you without reacting impulsively.

This skill—observing with clarity—requires concentration. And concentration, in turn, requires mental strength. It’s the ability to focus your mind where you choose, rather than allowing it to be pulled in a million different directions by distractions, worries, or fears.

In this phase, you’ll explore tools and techniques that help you strengthen your concentration and develop a greater sense of mental clarity.

The Importance of Complete Clarity in Observation: To bring about meaningful change, you need to be able to see yourself and your situation as they really are, not as you fear them to be, or as you wish they were. This requires letting go of any preconceived notions or biases and observing the present moment with open-mindedness and curiosity.

One of the reasons many people struggle to change is that they aren’t fully aware of the thoughts and beliefs driving their behaviours. They may be stuck in old patterns, reacting automatically to situations without ever taking a moment to observe what’s really happening.

In this phase, we work on becoming aware of those automatic reactions, identifying where they come from, and understanding how they’re shaping our behaviours. Only by observing with complete clarity can we start to untangle these patterns and create room for change.

Curiosity: A Key Component of Observation Observation isn’t just about passively watching; it’s about being actively curious. When we’re curious, we open ourselves up to new possibilities and perspectives. We start to ask questions:

• Why am I reacting this way?
• What thoughts are driving this feeling?
• How do my emotions shift throughout the day?

Curiosity is essential because it allows us to look deeper and understand the “why” behind our thoughts and behaviours. It transforms observation from a passive act into an active, engaged process that leads to greater self-awareness.

Mental Strength as the Key to Clear Observation Observing with clarity also involves recognizing the role that mental strength plays in this process. You’ll learn that mental strength isn’t about being rigid or forceful; it’s about developing the resilience and focus to observe without being overwhelmed by what you see.

This might mean observing your feelings of frustration or sadness without letting them control you. It might mean noticing your desire to procrastinate without giving in to it. It could involve paying attention to physical sensations in your body—like tension or tiredness—without immediately jumping to conclusions about what they mean.

The Role of Concentration in Observation: To observe with clarity, you need the ability to focus your attention where it matters most. Concentration is the cornerstone of this phase. Without it, your mind will constantly wander, and your observations will be shallow and fragmented.

Think of it like this: when you’re walking through a busy street, you see a lot of things, but nothing in great detail. Your attention is scattered across everything happening around you. But if you step into a quiet room and focus on one object, you can observe it in much more depth and clarity.

In the same way, learning to concentrate your mind—whether it’s on your breath, a task, or your thoughts—allows you to observe more clearly and deeply.

How Observing Supports the Process of Change: Once you master the skill of observing, you’ll notice profound shifts in how you approach challenges. Rather than reacting automatically, you’ll develop the ability to pause and reflect. This pause creates space for new ways of thinking and acting, which is where true change begins.

As you move forward, you’ll find that this clarity of observation helps you understand not just what needs to change, but why you’ve been stuck in certain patterns—and what you can do to break free.

By developing the ability to observe your thoughts and emotions with complete clarity and concentration, you lay the foundation for lasting transformation. The process of change becomes easier, because you’re no longer operating on autopilot. Instead, you’re making conscious, informed decisions that move you closer to your goals.

In the Observing phase, you’ll learn how to:

• Direct your focus with intention
• Strengthen your concentration to observe without distraction
• Cultivate curiosity and open-mindedness in your observations
• Develop the mental strength to face even the most difficult emotions and thoughts

With these tools, you’ll be well-equipped to move to the next phase of the process: Understanding—where you’ll start to make sense of the patterns you’ve observed and begin the journey toward real change.